Existential crisis

* found this uncredited

It seems that every September 30^th is reserved for hysteria a sleepless night. One year ago exactly at this time I was on the plane for New York City, going through a breakdown because it was so estranged from anything I'd ever done before, but what I didn't know was that it was the beginning of something incredible. I cannot know, however, if this year's "burden" -- starting university (in Ljubljana) after I've had 14 months completely to myself -- will turn out the same way and it makes me exorbitantly nervous; what if I'm going to hate it? What if I will have a hard time adapting to the schedule because I need a lot of time for myself (the main reason I hated high school) and become depressed? I was sipping orange juice out of the carton in the middle of the night thinking just how badly I wanted to sleep for 5 weeks and then wake up unabashed.

Of course there's also this peculiar little affair I thought I would have settled by now, but it's recently turned into a much "bigger" situation responsible for the fact that the closing line of one of the chapters in Danilo Kiš's "Mansarda" makes me cry even though I vowed not to shed tears over literature any more (I'm going to study it, therefore I need to "compose" myself). I'll be in Venice on Saturday and in London next week and I haven't traveled properly for so long that the latter feels like a return to my "previous" life (January - May 2009 when I went somewhere every month and it required at least 5 hours to get there). Here's to hoping London will be nice to me.

+ Just because summer was so much more harmless:

Vrbnik, Croatia, August 2009. The clash of the sea and rocks was so strong that there was salt on my lens after I took this photo although I was standing a couple of meters away.